Moving on and starting over
Susan* moved out on Friday 12 April, after dinner.
I watched her pull out the driveway for the last time, while the boys were in the others, on their devices.
Part of me wanted to take a picture to commemorate the moment, but it seemed too painful for words.
After 18 and a half years together...that was it.
The split has been amicable, but incredibly difficult.
For the first 5 nights, the boys (Alex*, 15, and Calvin*, 13) stayed with me. Thankfully (blessedly!) my adult daughter (Kate*, 22) came and stayed with us for a few nights, helping us all to stay busy, to stay positive, and to provide a distraction from the profound ache that I surely otherwise would have felt.
There is so much to record, so much to process, so much to process that a blog seems the only right way to do it.
I have been using every ounce of my 22 years of personal growth experience and 8 years of conflict-resolution experience to stay on top of our separation, doing whatever I can to keep it amicable while at the same time retaining my self respect.
It feels like we are on top of a mountain. And not just any mountain, but a watershed.
If the water trickles down one face of the mountain, it heads to one ocean; down the other face, it goes to another. It is the difference between an amicable relationship and bitterness, petty jealousies, obsessive mistrust and nursed resentments.
Perhaps a better metaphor is being a mountain climber, reaching towards a summit of positivity, but with crampons that can slip, ice axes that can drop, and ropes that can snap, leaving us to all too easily fall into an abyss of abiding bitterness.
I want to chart this journey and my (and our) efforts to find the right path, as well as my journey to being a full time dad (every second week), a house-husband (every second week), and a man who wants to retain his links to the community (volunteer work) while at the same time looking after himself, his grief, and his loneliness.
A theme will also be my efforts to get my boys off their devices as much as possible so they can engage with the life that, rumor has it, exists beyond the screen. Since they are teens, this will be quite the struggle indeed!
*Naturally, all names have been changed.
I watched her pull out the driveway for the last time, while the boys were in the others, on their devices.
Part of me wanted to take a picture to commemorate the moment, but it seemed too painful for words.
After 18 and a half years together...that was it.
The split has been amicable, but incredibly difficult.
For the first 5 nights, the boys (Alex*, 15, and Calvin*, 13) stayed with me. Thankfully (blessedly!) my adult daughter (Kate*, 22) came and stayed with us for a few nights, helping us all to stay busy, to stay positive, and to provide a distraction from the profound ache that I surely otherwise would have felt.
There is so much to record, so much to process, so much to process that a blog seems the only right way to do it.
I have been using every ounce of my 22 years of personal growth experience and 8 years of conflict-resolution experience to stay on top of our separation, doing whatever I can to keep it amicable while at the same time retaining my self respect.
It feels like we are on top of a mountain. And not just any mountain, but a watershed.
If the water trickles down one face of the mountain, it heads to one ocean; down the other face, it goes to another. It is the difference between an amicable relationship and bitterness, petty jealousies, obsessive mistrust and nursed resentments.
Perhaps a better metaphor is being a mountain climber, reaching towards a summit of positivity, but with crampons that can slip, ice axes that can drop, and ropes that can snap, leaving us to all too easily fall into an abyss of abiding bitterness.
I want to chart this journey and my (and our) efforts to find the right path, as well as my journey to being a full time dad (every second week), a house-husband (every second week), and a man who wants to retain his links to the community (volunteer work) while at the same time looking after himself, his grief, and his loneliness.
A theme will also be my efforts to get my boys off their devices as much as possible so they can engage with the life that, rumor has it, exists beyond the screen. Since they are teens, this will be quite the struggle indeed!
*Naturally, all names have been changed.
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